Things are in complete disarray around here.  I apologize for that... I'm still trying to clean up from the after effects of a web host switch.  I'm working on it as fast as I can, which really isn't that fast. 

Three things worth mentioning... I'm a dad times three now.  Baby Abilgail Rose Bohatka was born almost exactly a week ago and I think this time I'm ready to have fun with a newborn.  I've been sounding like a broken record lately saying that with Kiley I was afraid of her... like I was going to foul her up for life if I held her wrong, or didn't coddle her this way or that... it was nerve racking.  With Charlie I was better, but I was still worried I'd break him. After all boys are supposed to be more durable, so I didn't want to get carried away, and even still I wasn't comfortable and was more worried about how we'd get along with two kids in a new house and yadda, yadda.  But Abby is different... after the past year we lived through, I know we can get through anything.  And I'm very comfortable... I know I'm not going to damage her for life because I'm only holding her with one arm or whatever... I mean come on, there's only four things a new baby really knows: food, poop, sleep and crying.  Substitute the crying bit for sex and we're really talking about an adolescent male, aren't we?  (I don't know what that is supposed to mean, but it's true isn't it?) 

I've decided that my work needs to be seen one way or another.  I past the stage where I'm worried about what people think and I can take creative criticism.  I'd be more comfortable taking that advice and/or criticism if someone is paying me $2 to give it... and maybe they'll enjoy it and $2 isn't too much to spend for a little enjoyment.  So all of my books are available for electronic download in PDF format for $2 a pop.  Sedition Agenda is still available free of charge because I really have no way of sending John his $1 per copy if I were to sell it.  I think he'd prefer it that way anyway... knowing him, he'd be happy if someone stole our intellectual property and we could sue and get some cash out of it that way, since it is registered with the WGA like the rest of my stuff, so no funny business with these downloads, got it?  :D 

Lastly, on a different note... I've recently put a lot, and I mean a lot, of time and energy and sweat and stress into our new company website.  I've learned a lot along the way too, and I'm rather proud of the outcome.  It's not perfect but it is some of my best work yet within the parameters I was given to get it done.  So if you need any housewares, electronics, pet supplies, pest control, personal care, health & fitness or home improvement products, parts or accessories please visit www.foxgourmet.com.

Let me start by saying this is going to hurt... :D  First off, every book purchased through me (and as I look behind me, I have only a small stack left) cost me $11 a copy to purchase.  I'm selling these for $13.95 and $14.95 respectively because that's what all the other sites are selling them for.  The bonus of buying directly from me is I get to deface the first page of every copy which may or may not add to the resale value of them (and at this point it is definitely decreasing their value).  ;)  So, at the most I'll get $4 a copy which seems hardly worth all the effort I put into it so it's supposed to be made up to me in quantity.  Since starting this venture I've sold a total of 50 copies combined which hasn't even gotten my initial investment back.  So, by donating $1 of every book sold it's going to definitely hit the pocketbook... but the part that takes the cake?  If these books are purchased through Amazon or Buy.com or any other E-tailer I'll see about $1.25 for every copy sold... so now you can see the crunch, because my on hand quantities are very limited so I'm going to need to direct traffic there.  So, with all that said since this is a such a good cause I don't mind at all.  Those kids go out there every night and perfect their game with hand-me-downs at best and if I can help get one person a new glove, that's all that matters.  And it's just fortunate that I'm not living off this venture of mine and do it purely for the hobby of it.  :)

Great news... I finally landed fulltime employment and I love it.  Naturally I can't devote as much time as I have been to the "Secondary" career that will hopefully become "primary" at some point, but I am working.  I got home tonight, tossed on one of the most underrated REM discs ever (Up) and have been banging away at the keyboard.  I can't say there have been any major revelations here, just I felt the urge, I acted on the urge and discovered I really had something to say.  I do know that when that "primary" time comes I have to be more disciplined about this... so far this book has taken me well over 4 years to write and it's not done yet.  Lot's of talking going on here... I want characters to flesh themselves out to you and not my dribble in between, but it's a delicate balancing act because by doing what I'm doing I'm giving you this mental imagine and run the risk of destroying that (and forever turning you off) when I do give you tidbits... so I have been fighting that as I go - Meighen for instance, here it is 185 pages in and I finally give you a hair color... perhaps you already picked one for her at this point, so you see my issue.  :D  Gawd, how trivial is that?  SO, life is getting back on track... I still feel like a confused little boy a lot of the time, but I'm getting more adult in my age and I'm starting to feel out of touch anymore.  I have this longing for return... like I want to go back to high school and do some things different... I think I'm either going through a mid-life crisis (which means, Christ, I've only got another 28 years to go) or I have some unfulfilled fantasy's that are coming close to becoming distant dreams and/or I'm grappling with my personality and hoping it will blossom into something one of these days.  When I sit back and take stock I am very pleased with what life has offered me, but I can't help but think there could've been just a bit more if I would have done things just a smudge different; like going to school one of those 68 or so days I cut my senior year.  Or if I would've stuck it out in college.  Or even explored Beth Pascal's innermost thoughts before my cousin spoiled her in my memory.  A lot of it comes from the new job... I'm surrounded by so many new people and I pride myself on giving people what they need and I know very little about the majority of them and I just don't have that personality to get to know them better to be of better service.  I guess maybe it all stems back to kindergarten and my inability to make friends without buying them with candy.  I guess I just so desperately want to fit in... I remember what it took at Advetech... it took a long time... it took some people to push me and take a chance with me... it took me giving more of myself and trusting people and my trust issues are real deep going back a few years.  But it was easier then... I was young, I was embarking on epic journey's in fatherhood and husbandry and independent living and so forth... now I'm older and set in some ways.  It's going to be hard, but it's going to be fun and I'm trying to take it day by day and not get too ahead of myself and take each challenge on with a force I haven't displayed yet. 

Enough of my drivel.  I'm doing something I should've done a long time ago... if you look here you'll see something new.  Since I refuse to self-publish this (alright, self-publish isn't the right term given what I'm doing), make that vanity-publish, and so far none of the people on the home page want to take it on, it's here for the world to see, to read, to take in, and hopefully notice... and in that hope maybe the right person will come across it on a file share somewhere, give it a read some cold December night and give me a call... I'm still holding out hope for a golden parachute to call my own. 

I have a few minutes this morning and just wanted to drop by and say that the hits never stop hitting.  I think I've forgotten how to write, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten how to live.  My writing career is just so marred by disappointment that I have to walk away from it every few years (months, whatever - depends on the level of depression, frustration and lack of faith and how deep it goes.)  I always come back and I've found that it's, as they say, like riding a bike.  When I go through this there are always casualties... in this case it's that bastard child of a book, When the Wall Came Tumbling Down.  I just can't shop it.  Somewhere in my future is a chance meeting with a muse who will get my to the next level; that's not to say I didn't have any fun at all.  I talked to more agents this go around than I ever have.  I read more good tomes on the craft of getting noticed than I ever have.  I felt inspired, pressured and had a lot of good time to myself to write and good things came of that - To Better Parts has more fleshed out characters and most importantly a middle, although there still isn't an end and it resides in a dusty corner of my PC.  I was also given that golden nugget of what comes next... I've realized in the past 6 years I've been building a character that people care about and he will see his story unfold creating an arch you could only imagine.  Carlos has been through a lot and is finally ready to talk about it. 

So enough about the career that almost was, let's talk about the one that is... my every day is filled is uncertainty since September 13th, 2003... there's part of me that wants to take a Molotov cocktail to a little building in Canfield, OH for what they did to my family that day.  The other part is talking the other side down by rationalizing that it was just another bump on the road leading to hear... it just so happens the one side doesn't want to hear it.  I guess in a way I'm getting desserts now... and I could get more, but I'll refrain for the time being, but if anyone should read this, just realize I am still a ticking time bomb... ;)   

So, for the past two months I've been back in the computer field.  Bigger, better, real.  I'm supporting something like 80 users on a network 10 server strong and I'm learning something new everyday which is quickly becoming my latest passion.  Even if I don't stick at this organization, I've learned enough to build the confidence I need to get back out into the workplace; but I really do hope I stick.  I have to admit I love it and i haven't been bored yet and that's the key for me.  I'm sure a year or two from now I might find some boredom, but I'm having a blast and I can only hope they like me too and will keep me on. 

So with the new job always brings rediscovery and my creative oil is sparking like you wouldn't believe... I think I see a short story in my future.

Life is strange.  And this isn't the one I signed up for either... someone, something, mixed up my purchase order with someone else's, that's for sure.  I heard back from Sedgeband.  The optimist in me says it was only the first showing.  And it was for what is furthest from my thoughts at this point in my career.  The pessimist suggests that this isn't the life I signed up for and says I need to move on.  Needless to say, my passion has been burned again and I haven't open the Word document with anything in it in awhile.  I'll get back to that point, but not right now.  And not right now because the real world calls again... yup, I'm finally a contributing member of society again.  I have reentered the workforce, thankfully.  And that's all for right now...  

Well, I knew I couldn't keep the pace - you did too.  So the new goal becomes end of August.  But with any luck keeping that deadline will also become increasingly difficult because I'm hoping to finally land a day job so the drama and trauma that is my life will come to an end.  I gave myself a vacation for the week of the 4th.  Then I apparently gave myself another vacation for the week leading up to the mud volleyball tournament I played in this past Saturday for Muscular Dystrophy.  So now I guess I get back into the swing of things - BUT, and I'm reluctant to even mention this - I got an email from Sedgeband Literary, who has turned me down twice before, requesting that I send them Root Beer Kid, so I will at the very least spend this evening getting that together for them and shipping it off tomorrow.  I have to admit I'm not very optimistic about my chances here, but it's nice knowing there is some hope out there for me.  My fears are great anymore and they aren't being eased by anything on my horizon... so my outlook is bleak.  I've finally figured it out that a book deal just isn't going to land on my doorstep... and with that acceptance comes that attitude that I truly don't have anything to loose, and I should just keep pressing.  I just know that the past 10 months have gotten me closer to my kids and I needed that.  It got me back into my writing and I needed that.  It got me further into debt and further away from my wife... so what I'm really saying is that there is a delicate balance between all the things in my life and before September 12th last year I was skewed in the wrong direction, and in the time since I've realized what my priorities truly are, and where I need to keep them.  Unfortunately my balance is starting to slip the other way and it's time to get it back in check.  So, where was I?  New goals, new life directions... new hopes and new dreams, still taking it one day at a time and still trying as I might to make something happen.  

So that Plan B I've been talking about... it must just be the night or the music I have playing right now, or my taking on 4 brand spanking new rejections in the past 24 hours, so maybe my Plan B is just like Cult Status and maybe after my body is decomposing in the earth somewhere someone will notice what I had going on and my great, great grandkids will reap the rewards of what I was trying to build.  I know it's in the big book of cardinal rules a writer must follow to never get discouraged, but I have nothing but rejection in my life right now.  Day job employers, agents, my wife even... it's just so sickening and frustrating and I can't even fathom how to crawl out of this hole I continue to dig for myself.  I can't even assuage myself anymore... when the levee breaks you patch it, and when it breaks again you patch it again, but if it happens a third time you tear the thing down and put in something else that will withstand the pressure.  That's how my writing career feels and maybe I'm staring down my third strike, like I'm watching the ball coming at me in slow motion and I know it's in the zone, but I'm too depressed to even pull the bat off my shoulder and swing.  I do think that before I go down I'll fire back some replies to these people that seem just completely sinister and shady like Curtis Brown Ltd. 

To veer away from the insidious talk above... I sent off a newly revised copy of Simply Max to Swink Magazine in hopes that they'll run it in an upcoming issue.  I'm also still working on this horror type story I've got cooking for another magazine that is looking for horror type stories that I saw.  They don't pay much, but that doesn't matter to me.  I'm just looking for credits at this point to throw on my writing resume, otherwise known as a query letter.  Speaking of Query Letters, I've been adding more and more to www.ineedanagent.org but just like here, it appears no one is visiting. 

I'm a big schmuck... in the two minutes or so since I wrote the above I was actually able to sit back and catch a breath and I already feel better.  It's amazing the power of just getting things out of my head, of just opening up for a few paragraphs, the effect it has on me.  I wouldn't call it cathartic by any means, but it has a freeing quality.  Like okay, the bad thoughts, the negativity has been released, let's open up that bottle hope and celebrate for a little bit.  I guess that's why writing is so close to me and that's why I think I should be able to make a career out of it... it also happens to be why I think I'm different and these agents should be able to pick up on that and want to sign my ass already.  Like I've said so many times, it's just frustrating.  And I am very much at the place where I want to share what I've done with people and I'm getting impatient.  That's why RBK and Shorts were self-published.  Might be time to consider that PDF idea again... $5 a copy.  Hmm...

07/05/04 -

Plan B is prayer... so far whatever real Gods exist aren't paying attention, so maybe the internet Gods will.  Please, please, please make this the week I get a phone call, an email, a letter saying I can climb the next rung.  Please, whoever is reading this, make it happen for me, because I don't think I can anymore.

So it appears I gave myself a vacation.  I know I gave myself a deadline as well, but I needed the mental break to allow the next act of the story to develop... its funny that I call it an act, because if it is indeed an act, we're going into the 2nd full boar which would mean that the third is yet to come and the novel will grow beyond even my most obtuse predictions.  Which leads me to believe we are just getting into the 3rd, but who knows.  I generally don't look for that stuff until I'm done writing.  Now to get writing...

I feel like typing out some aggravation at the world right now... we all have those moments when nothing goes right and it feels like hope is all but diminished and there isn't much to fight for... I'm there.  I lay in bed this afternoon after putting myself through the paces in a rather lackluster basketball performance, all showered and smelling good and just thinking about the rest of this week looking up at the ceiling.  The ridges of white was almost like a canvas on the moon... for a second I was inspired to paint the damn room because all I saw was white, but then the analytical side of my head kicked in and I realized I'm phucked.  Since getting "laid off' my life has been nothing but markers of expectation...  it's like I have this list of things to look forward to, and all the sudden it's densely populated, with just three things on the calendar in the next two weeks and once those are done, there is nothing.  Vast whiteness... I need those things to look forward too, because without them I'm really forced to take stock of what the reality of my life has become... there are no distractions, and without distraction I tend to fin depression pretty easily and it just takes a toll on every facet of my being.  And as well all know stress doesn't help anything or anyone... it compounds the frustration.  So here I am looking at my calendar and there just isn't much on it... so I'm just hoping and praying that something will come along this week to fill up the days until I can be a published and selling author. 

So this is Act 2...

I wrote the above about 6 hours ago... and I feel like saying some more.  Bare with me.  ;)  My vacation is over and I'm going to get back into the story.  Two things that made me come here to type though: 1st - I just saw Secret Window.  Ever since I read On Writing, I feel I have a pulse on Stephen King.  I think I've said this before, but prior to my reading that tome of his, I hated the guy... and as I analyzed what I thought was hatred, I just realized that even in my childhood, it was jealousy.  They guy had a bazillion movies out that everyone had to see... my mom read a bazillion of his books and often told me little things about them, Christine (her name not withstanding) was among her favorites.  So even way back then when I didn't know that the world was round and I'd never get out of Cleveland for much longer than two weeks at a time, there was something deep inside me that was jealous of a writer... was it because my mom talked about his book?  Was it because I was designed to be a writer myself?  Who knows... I just know I thought the guy to be a hack because his movies sucked to me, but then again did they really suck or did I just think they sucked because of this inert, deep seated loathing of the man?  There's all kinds of ruminations in there for any budding Freud to attack, but I'll digress... I saw the latest movie made based on a King tale and it was very good, I just thought I'd seen it before in one way shape or another (Identity came to mind when I finally got it which was just about the point when the house burned down).  There's something very intriguing about someone who can just formulate stories about horror, supernatural or otherwise and I have to say I'm really beginning to become a King fan, although I must say I'm so not looking forward to digging into any of those 700 page paperbacks he's penned.  If anyone has any suggestions on a good entry level King book, I'm all ears.  2nd - As I opened the folder here on the laptop to get back into Better Parts it occurred t me that I never mentioned anything at all about the illustrations I've come up with.  Yes, that's right... Better Parts will have the first ever computer tinkered artwork within it's pages.  Thus far there are two of them, and since I enjoyed doing them so much, I will most definitely add a third and possibly a forth before all is said and done.  And off I go...

07/02/04 -

Plan B required... we're down to five.  Five rejections.  Five queries still in circulation.  Five is the magic number, indeed.  The thing that really kills me: I got a note back from Curtis Brown Ltd. this morning and it says, "...after reading the description of your project [agent] does not think he is the most appropriate..."  Now, on it's own it looks like a basic throw away line...  but the gets me going is that I intentionally let the "description" of my "project" exist as only a single line.  How can a single line effectively reflect anything?  I figured by being super vague it would at least intrigue some people to request more... I just want to initiate a little dialogue with someone that was my only intention... and I think Curtis Brown Ltd. just engaged with me because I have to ask which word exactly makes him think he's not "appropriate" for my work.   At least be honest dude... tell me your busy, or tell me you don't like my query letter enough to read anything else I wrote, but don't tell me that my "description" doesn't work because I didn't give you a description... I gave you a sentence and if you need more than a sentence, say that.  What happened to being honest?  I'm fragile enough just being a writer trying to get my words out there for people to accept, I think I can take whatever you have to say Mr. Curtis Brown Ltd. 

So, as I started, I need a plan B.  Self publishing is just too damn expensive anymore so it's still not an option.  If I had more people coming to the site here I'd think about posting it in serial or something... I guess ultimately I just can't give up, period.  If these 10 all pass, I'll move on to the next 10.  And 10 after that... there has to be one agent out there that thinks they can turn my pulp into gold (or at least silver)... I just have to find them.

06/27/04 -

Stasis.  I feel so very stuck with my lot in life right now and the envelope I got in the mail yesterday didn't change that at all.  Stephen Pevner took a pass on me.  That makes three with the new format "King" query.  There's a battle in me that thinks I'm not giving them enough information, but everything I read says keep it short and simple.  I also happen to think that any agency worth their salt would be looking for sheer quantity.  Some really bad writers have gone on to make a mint, so why not take a chance on someone like that?  I've got two completed novels, a book of short stories, another novel more than half way completed, two others in development, one screenplay and another a quarter done; on sheer quantity at this stage I could make a couple grand for an agent that they wouldn't have had before and I'm easy - it wouldn't take a lot of work from either of us to make that happen.  So what am I doing wrong?  It's not always fun or easy, but this is in my soul and I think I'm getting better at it... please someone must notice me! 

Speaking of those two novels in development... as you all know, The Autobiography of the Boy Who Wanted to Fly will be next and it will be a Carlos Rich vehicle for filling in the blanks... I think he's had a remarkable life and I need to spell that out for people and considering by the time you read it you will already know what happened to him in 1989 and 1999 so everything prior and in that ten year period will simply amaze you.  And to the naysayer on the age old memoir... like I've said before I want to dispel the ordinary memoir... I guess that's why that "biography" word is in the title... but it is a work of fiction so we'll see what happens.  The cool thing about it is that you as an audience will already think you know the character and love him or hate him (maybe he isn't that polarizing) and right away this becomes my very own trilogy.  :)  So naturally I'm in love with that idea. 

The second one came to me a few days ago on a walk with my son... it's going to pick up the story of Lenny from To Better Parts... not really a sequel, in fact I thought of a way to bury the character so you won't really know it's about him until you're well into the novel.  But it will deal with a little bit about the psychological impact of what he's going through in Better Parts and where his life has taken him.  Since I like to have a theme in mind before jumping into a novel, this one will revolve around life choices, especially careers, women, weight and more than likely touch on religion a bit.  And since all of these books are tied together in one way or another (even Root Beer Kid has a link) I need to come up with a name for my universe.  I'll be accepting thoughts here. 

I started something I haven't done in years last night.  I started an original short story.  The nugget of thought jumped to me after reading an advert in one of my email newsletters for magazines looking for material.  So I'm going to bang it out, send it (them) to my editor (Chris) and send 'em over.  Any more publishing credits would be a good thing, so off they'll go.  The first is something I started writing eons ago... it dabbles in eroticism, fantasy and romance.  The second is hopefully going to be a horror story.  An idea occurred to me yesterday at the most unlikely of places and I'm going to experiment with it and run.  Hopefully you'll be able to read them somewhere other than here.  ;)

06/24/04 -

I was inspired by an email I received two nights ago and finally put something more than my nightmare with ST Literary on www.ineedanagent.org.  Go check it out and get involved.  But back to this email... finally I got some vindication for turning my back on that arrangement.  Now, honestly I hadn't thought twice about it since avoiding them, but I guess a part of me was still skeptical and it's nice to know that I made the correct decision.  As it turns out (and I'll have to update my story over there) they would string me along for about 6 months sending the same messages and emails that have been sent to countless other before me and then they'd disappear on me or I would supposedly figure it out and there would be nothing I could do.  So I'd like to thank Victoria Strauss at Writer Beware for sending over the email and giving me a link to my story over there. 

Nothing really new going on... I haven't stalled out, but I haven't done much either on Better Parts.  I'm confident all the back story has been told through the first 39,862 words... so now it's onto the story itself and tying up all those ropes I have dangling.  That to me is scary... and the sad part is I have 4,600 words to do this week to keep up with my goal.  Actually, that's not the sad part... the sad part is I got stumped, I left the story hanging, on something as insignificant as the setup for the paths of Carlos, Lenny and Holdinger to cross.  That's all!  It's literally a secretary fielding a delivery and pointing Carlos in the right direction... from there we begin to soar again.  The one story line I am consciously avoiding is between Barney and Meighen though... I can have more fun with Jay and Big Lou and Vin isn't going to be hard to resolve his arch, but I don't want to devle into When the Wall territory by bringing everyone together for a public face off like I did with Cyndi and Porch over there.  That being said I can see similarities, so there is an effort afoot to stave off a personal writing formula until much later in my career.  ;)  I'll keep you posted... I've got time right now to write, so off I go.

06/21/04 -

I'm astonishing myself lately... the years that I literally waited to start writing To Better Parts again - I have to question whether or not I wasted them anymore.  I absolutely did not because they have put this steam in me, it's unbelievable.  I truly feel like I'm flying through it all the sudden and the story is becoming it's own finally.  It's almost got lungs.  I've given myself a goal and I'm not afraid to talk about it... in the past I would've been afraid of shooting myself in the foot, but I learned the difference between a self-imposed deadline and a goal... and I think a lot of what I did before was give myself deadlines which would increase the pressure on myself and I'd eventually buckle and walk away.  I remember telling everyone who asked, and I think I even wrote as much down below somewhere maybe as early as even this year, that the ending of it wasn't ready yet and that's why I wasn't working on it.  Well, hell if I know if the ending is there yet, but I know that the story is coming to life and I'm progressing extremely well... so my goal, short term is a mere 6000 words a week, long term is to have it finished (at least in the rough) by the end of July and the numbers all work out.  I know it's going to be accomplished.  I started the week off strong - 1440 words today.  I notice myself too, running over speed bumps in story road and navigating them well, so I really feel in tune with my craft.  And I'm always thinking about it... I'm dreaming about it even, so it's always with me even when I'm not writing it.  Like I said I haven't found the perfect resolution yet, but it will come the way everything else is coming so far... I know I'm rambling so I'll digress into the other reason I decided to muse...

Got my first two official paper rejection slips in the past week... and when I say slip, I mean slip - like those you used to get in school to see the principal.  I guess part of me is bummed, but I'm building my skin again and part of me knows this is just a part of the process.  I have them sitting on my desk right now, fueling me every night... and that I can't appreciate right now.  I've questioned why just all the sudden like this, the burning desire to have Better Parts done in 5 weeks is coming from.  I've ascertained to no authority whatsoever, that I want to have another piece of pulp ready when the offers come in for representation.  I want to have my book deal obligations complete before I even sign the documents... in other words, just fucking pay me.  :D  But that can't be it... I guess some of it comes from an internal struggle too with the being a writer or being an artist... and right now I can say with all the authority in the world that I'm an artist and all that matters are the words jumping onto the page in what order and that the story is damn good.  Then the writer in me says, well you want people to read this and you want people to pay you for it... so there's a struggle that I'm sure every single living being goes through at some point.  Especially for me right now, having a career of calling myself a writer would be where my head is at.  Yes, I am still unemployed and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm unemployable even.  :(  This has been a very difficult time and I try a lot to not think about it, which I guess could be another reason for the sudden re-ignition of Better Parts because it gives me that alternate reality to live in for a few hours a night where not even a single passing thought skips past about not being able to pay the mortgage or why mysterious messages about calling people with my attorney's information are being left for me.  So that's where I'm at... I'd love to keep telling myself that this has been a big test of my character and everything I've ever needed and wanted is just around the corner waiting for me to catch up to it.  But the sick reality is that I'm just pushing forward back and hoping, praying and playing with voodoo dolls to make ends meet and pretend that everything will be okay in a day, a week, two weeks, a month... a year.  All I really know is that I'll be really pissed if no one will ever be able to hold a physical copy of When the Wall Came Tumbling Down, To Better Parts and Other Places, or the Autobiography of the Boy Who Wanted to Fly and make all the connections.  (Did I fail to mention that I have resolved that AotBWWtF will indeed be a Carlos Rich vehicle and connect all the outstanding dots?  I'm having too much fun with the character to retire him so soon.  His life story needs to be told and I need to tell it.  He's one helluva guy!)

06/13/04 -

It's moving right along.  As the word count ticker on the front page suggested I'm busting ass getting this done.  There's this tremendous self-imposed pressure to get this done right now and my entire being is cooperating with my desire.  I've been slamming some keys and getting this story organized and it will make for a book full of insight and monologues on parenthood and other matters I've been hinting at and mentioning before. 

I've been thinking a lot about the mystery/suspense/thriller racket... and I have a sneaking suspicion that is creeping into the novel.  I have a trick up my sleeve that will hopefully keep you guessing.  I also caught the vapors for a horror type story that I'd like to tackle eventually.  It's way to early to even think about that, but it is in the back of my mind. 

So, back to Better Parts.  I'm shooting for 70,000 words or so, which means I'm only half way there.  The problem I'm having at the moment but am working around is too much dialogue.  Everyone is talking too much.  I want to shut them up, but they don't want to be silenced.  I'm trying to intersperse some of the dialogue with exposition on some characters, but the bulk of the story right now is the relationship with Lenny and Carlos which I guess if I'm shooting for that many words it's fine to have them explore and feel each other out for the first half of the book, after all when their worlds collide the way there's do I guess there isn't much for me to fill in the blanks over.  I'd rather have them hash it out. 

And I have to add that the moon must be in sync with me or something because my imagination hasn't clicked this well since working on When the Wall... so I think I'm in the right spot for knocking out 50 or 60,000 words before the end of next weekend.  It's been all I can think about, getting the characters into the positions I need them to propel them forward into their next adventure, but again there's lots of bouts of conversation and I guess I won't find out if it works or not until the first read through. 

I'll leave you with this thought... as you know I've been pushing myself like mad recently, you may also know that I've been unemployed since last September and have gotten serious about my craft in the process of trying to launch my own company, find clients, part time jobs and eventually a full time gig... so somewhere back in, I want to say October, but I may be mistaken, I started hearing advertisements, now that I'm thinking about it, I probably started hearing those ads back in September, probably right before I got canned; anyway I started hearing ads for Joe Eszterhas's Hollywood Animal.  It stayed in the recess of my mind until around my birthday (February 18 for the uninitiated), and generally for my birthday those people nice enough to buy me gifts anymore who actually ask what I'd like, I tell them books.  So my wife bought me Hollywood Animal because I'd been asking about it.  It took me probably 3 weeks to read but it was fascinating; I loved every word dripping from every page.  Also back in September, Stephen King started writing for Entertainment Weekly regularly (at least I think it was September, although it may have been earlier).  I've subscribed to EW for over 6 years now and read it religiously every weekend and it introduced me to world of Stephen King.  Previosuly I'd thought both Joe and Stephen to be elitist assholes who reached a level I could only dream about so naturally I loathed them.  Mostly I loathed Stephen because his movies were shit (like he had control over them) and l loathed Joe because he was a screenwriter and banged Sharon Stone in her prime.  So I instantly became an Eszterhas fan.  At the end of the book Joe talks a lot about overcoming his vices and how Stephen King's On Writing worked for him and he read it three times.  Cool I thought and checked eBay for it.  Now, had it cost anymore than it did I probably would've passed, but I picked up Stephen King's On Writing virtually brand spanking new on eBay for $6 shipped.  I read it and found a query letter in the back that he says works, so I rewrote it and that's what I sent out last week.  I know it's all happenstance and coincidence and I'm drawing the lines where I need to see them connect, but I do feel like I was pushed into reading Hollywood Animal, pushed into reading On Writing and ultimately discovering the query letter that would finally get me to the next level.  And here I am writing my ass off to have material when they finally come knocking.  ;)  That's what I think.  I also learned, though the King Query as I've been referring to it lately, that I'm still a young writer at 28 and that now is still my time, even though I've gone through so much shit these past 9 months.  Look out world...

06/10/04 -

...I've been trying to boil everything down recently. Just to get the meat to fall off the bone and leave behind those rich juices... in conjunction with Stephen King's On Writing, I've written yet another query letter.  I'm back to being convinced the only way I'm going to get anywhere is to have an agent. I know I haven't mentioned it thus far, but I do have an entertainment attorney on my side now: I have engaged with Hill, Farrer & Burrill LLP to represent me by sending my material out when I can't find an audience.  I'm realistically still months away from knowing anything one way or another with the last batch I sent out, but that won't keep me from sending out another batch to the A list guys.  I have the faith and knowledge that my brand of whimsy has a marketable place in the world and I just need to find someone else to recognize that as well.  

So, anyway the real point here is after going through it all I've been able to come up with one simple sentence that gives a decent enough idea about what When the Wall is about: two brothers and the effect of the Berlin Wall falling has on them... I've even been able to pinpoint my main character which just confused the hell out of me for years now - in my mind's eye it was always an ensemble piece... but I was able to re-read it subjectively, just completely detach myself from the creative aspect of it... took awhile to get into without having to correct a punctuation mark or anything but it's a damn solid book... gawd does it need to be published so I can have some people to agree with me. :D

So again, I thank Mark Fauser for helping me to realize that I need to keep it short and sweet; keep it mysterious and them wanting to see more.  After all, just one simple sentence loaded with potential such as "two brothers and the effect of the Berlin Wall falling has on them" could come to mean anything at all.  But to get to the bottom of if they have to connect with me... the curiosity factor alone would drive me, personally, batty.  Here's to hoping I'm finally onto the right track... (and I'll put together the whole progression that lead me to this point at another time, as it has a lot to do with my belief in fate again.)  And for those of you keeping score, the tally on the main page has been updated if you didn't notice already.

06/02/04 -

If anyone out there reads this site besides my brother, who occasionally drops by, I want to know who you are.  Please drop by the forums and start a thread.  There are also a few questions in the "Help The Author" section for you to answer, which leads me to this...

I've been spending some time with To Better Parts and Other Places again recently when I hit a roadblock with The Autobiography of the Boy Who Wanted To Fly.  And I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but if you've forgotten it's damn good.  And I mean really good... it's the best writing I've ever done and I realize now why I've been away from it so long - I don't want to screw it up.  But I've gotten over my fear and I'm already screwing it up.  :D  It's mine and I'll do with it as I please... the story really hasn't been formulated yet, but it's very character driven at this point and it's building up to something tremendous for me.  So because of the feeling I have for the prose I feel like sharing just to see if I'm so extremely out of touch or not... just because I can't sell myself doesn't mean my words need to suffer... so I'm attempting to do a 180... in all of the reading I've been doing about finding support in the form of an agent or publisher the one thing I'm realizing is there are authors and there are artists... and the basic difference is the author gets paid for his work, the artist does not.  So, everything I've been thinking and feeling for the past ten years, of writing my ass off, doing a good job, getting noticed and ultimately selling that has fallen by the wayside.  Maybe I'm going about it the wrong way... maybe I need to just give it away and let them speak for themselves.  Naturally I do this thinking that perhaps the right person might see them someday and do something for me because I clearly can't do it myself.  So before I do drop all hope of ever finding professional and mainstream publication I've put the question to the test - why bother if I don't even have a spectator or two lurking around here?  Check the forums as mentioned above for the scoop.

05/26/04 -

I feel like my head is going to explode.  Seriously.  It's been an amazingly trying period for us in the Bohatka manor for too long and it's all coming to a crossroads rather quickly.  But before I expound on that...

As you may recall, I've been speaking a lot recently with a buddy of mine, Mark Fauser (buy this!) about my getting to the next level.  While I feel like I'm scaling the side of a mountain with my bare hands, he keeps offering me all these examples of how easy it is... so I began pondering if I'm trying too hard.  If I'm putting too much into waiting for each rejection.  And that got me to thinking, that (and my FictionFactor newsletter really put the spotlight on it) I'm not a writer, I'm a business.  When I decided to write I never once put an ounce of thought into selling it.  It was just for me.  And then I felt that I was getting good at it and I started to sell it... granted I've only ever sold one piece, but maybe I gave up too earlier on launching the career.  I let one bastard ruin me on the whole business.  As I was saying, when I signed up, I signed up to write.  Not to sell myself, or my writing or anything else... that just came along.  Any time I ever think about writing it always involving me creating and someone else handling the other side of it, thereby making both of us rich in the process (and by rich, I don't necessarily mean monetarily).  So, I'm really in the process of relearning the business side of it.  And I'm going to whore myself out like never before.  I'd like to put my best foot forward, and I know the novel is there, but my skills in query writing and dealing with people will come along... in the meantime I just need a few allies. 

All signs seem to be pointing to my getting both a day job and a night job for us to catch us on a healthy life style again... being in a near comatose state is usually very conducive to my creativity so I'm expecting a very fruitful period in the next two or three months.  I'm also, as mentioned, going to be whoring myself all over the place for a book deal to rescue me from the comatose state.  We'll all see together what the future brings.

05/21/04 -

I sent out a packet this morning.  I neatly typed up a query letter, agonized over it like I do everything else, printed out 50 pages of When the Wall... and mailed it off to "The Editors" at Alfred A. Knopf.  I figured I might as well shoot for the top.  Still nothing with any prospective agents or anything else... there is still a bit of optimism in me though.  I did get an email from Scribes Unlimited about possibilities, but I think I got too overzealous with them and scared 'em off.  They're a local outfit, so maybe they'll be back.  Who knows... I have a belief in a higher power right now, because it's all that's getting me through it.  And my belief is said higher power has me thinking everything is going down according to plan and if I'm supposed to get there, I'll get there and if not this all won't be an enormous waste of time.  So that's that.

05/12/04 -

Things are slow.  Still.  I change my next project like I change my underwear, which lately seems to be every other day.  I find myself today feeling like typing which is good, awesome even!  But I've got myself in a profitable state of mind.  I've got a few stories to share today, so bear with me at the length of my musings...

Let's start here... as you know ST Literary is a bust.  I'm not acting on it and I don't have the fear of the unknown plaguing me so it's cool.  But in that time of despair and need I called upon an old friend... someone that knows the business that has been around the block and wrote a pretty killer movie.  At the time I was excited and neither of us knew better yet, but he forwarded the contract on to an entertainment attorney to point out the caveats.  Before hearing back I uncovered what I did and we both agreed it was probably a scam.  So he offered to talk to some people on my behalf and I'm still hoping that one of them might know someone who can get me published either directly or indirectly, but I'll have more on that once we actually hear something.  So in deciding to move forward and after reading a bit of priceless advice from Mark I decided to try and contact publishers directly.  Naturally that first step takes me to the library, and of course my branch doesn't have the book I need for circulation so we track it down at another branch and in the meantime my daughter falls in love with a book and she won't leave without checking it out.  I hand over my library card and the lady at the checkout steps away... I figure she's getting the boss because we've got a pile of fines and they want to squeeze money out of this turnip.  She returns with a copy of Waking Up In Reno!  Now back in August I went on a tear requesting stuff from the library, this being one of the items I wanted.  Most of it I picked up, some of it I never heard was waiting for me and was returned to the shelf.  But here it was, some 7 months after I requested it and on the day I was looking for a date with destiny it came to me.  I thought it eerie and ironic; kismet and chaotic, but what did it mean?  Don't bother getting the Writer's Market because Mark has me taken care of?  Or just the opposite?  Or something in between that won't reveal itself until later on?  Or simply, should I approach Mark with my screenplay because that's his area of expertise because I'm getting desperate and he could definitely help with that? 

Yesterday I had a bit of real world work to attend to... and with that came lots of driving.  And as you know I latch onto a lot of ideas cruising down the highway.  The first seemed like genius at the time - Candyland the Movie!  It would sell right off the pitch!  Kids movies are going Dr. Seuss on us, and Willy Wonka is being remade, it's time for a sleeping giant to wake!  A quick Google search when I got where I was going told me I wasn't the first to come up with the idea, but maybe I could be the next... so I'll base it on Candyland and go from there.  Kids movies are huge right now... then came a date with nonfiction.  It just kind of occurred to me that everything I've been reading lately has been nonfiction and I got the bug to try and write some featured stories and such and just send them to magazines so I can build a little name recognition and just meet some people who have influence over the industry I want to break into... any which way I look at it though I have a really long road ahead of me... one I thought I'd have traversed already.  It takes up to 3 months for someone to find my query on the slushpile and how much longer before they decide they like me and want me and send me a check?  Years... literally years.  And the job hunt sucks... I've sent out two dozen resumes and have only received 4 responses all from the same company and all of them rejection.  My life has been almost entirely built of rejection, which leads me too...

The Autobiography of the Boy Who Wanted to Fly.  Now that's a mouthful, it's also my next project.  As I've said before Better Parts doesn't have an ending yet... and there's just stuff buried inside of me that needs to find it's way into something that isn't based on satirical adventures of Carlos Rich and my meanderings.  So that's where I'm at... I'm still stuck in the quagmire and I'm just hoping someone will come by and scoop me out of the muck once and for all.

05/04/04 -

Alright, so everything was coming up daisies... I got the contract!  Ohmigawd, I got the contract.  But oh how a wonderful evening can end with a whimper.  I'll spare you the details here... instead I'm using this milestone of sorts to launch something I thought about several months ago.  Happen a gander over to www.ineedanagent.org for the gory details.  That site is still evolving, so I have no idea what it will become, but for right now it will be a landing site for the skinny on this deal and the dirt I uncovered... gotta love those super sleuth skills.  And I'm sure by the time you click over to that site I may have something more substantial in place there... who knows.  It will truly be organic in nature. 

I haven't given up... in fact in light of all the fear of loss I experienced yesterday I latched onto a huge ray of hope once the dust settled and the mere notion that this person is willing to help me is enough to fuel my fire for a good long while... and there's always that hope that I'll write a query letter for the ages or meet the right person to help me on my journey... and the real point here is that even with all the stock I put into ST Literary and their Arthur Fleming & Associates like tendencies to rip me off the journey is still just beginning for me.  I know in my heart I've written a great novel.  I know it will have mainstream appeal and I know it would make for one helluva ensemble movie if someone would ever wish to undertake it as such (I'd be game at some point myself)... I just need the right person to read it and believe in my abilities to carve out a long and fruitful career. 

04/20/04 -

Three weeks to the day... life is getting harder for us over here at the Bohatka house, but we are survivors... so Monday morning I wake up and set out to really take the job hunt seriously and almost be accident the first email my cursor lands on is from my literary agent contact.  Ordinarily, even when I just got the confirmation email that they received my submission I would let it sit there in my Inbox in all it's bold glory and I'd contemplate every possible text that could be waiting within... and I'd agonized over it for hours before I'd finally give in and click on it.  I always do that with important (to me) emails... seriously.  But for some reason when I opened my Outlook Express and clicked on my MSN Inbox there it was waiting for me the text fully exposed in my preview pane and it was all good news!  Like a *gasp* sign... and believe me I've been paying attention to signs for weeks now... my horoscope, things like resume writing agents crashing on me and there being not one single job in my locale that fits... sign says...

So, this email from (what I hope is) my eventual agent is an Author Intake Form which is more or less an interview... they ask questions about me and my work and I treated it with all the care in the world... it took me over 6 hours to type.  I had my daughter click the mouse again to send it - it worked the first time, right?  ;)  So, I'm not sure what happens next or how long it takes, but all my thoughts are positive and I'm looking forward to getting back to the work that I truly love while tying up loose ends on the work that I needed to do to get by.  Now is my time! - it's my new mantra. 

04/12/04 -

Another Easter passed... I mentioned Saturday that I felt the need to propel forward... I did get a few things condensed and moved but then I started having computer problems and took it as a sign to stop.  And I did... and speaking of signs, my horoscope for today reads: Your hard work will payoff; advancement looks positive.  So is it a sign?  I don't hold the power of astrology as something I put a lot of thought or stake into, but I do pay attention and when I was abruptly "let go" back in September, it was my horoscope that said something about it being time for me to start my own business.  I remember being so turned on by it that I had the courage to proceed with what I had only been thinking about.  So, will my hard work pay off today?  Will I hear back from Jill Mast and the ST Literary Agency in the form of an Author Intake Form and the promise that I could have a hardcover on the shelves of Borders across the land someday? 

I have to admit, I've been buying into the dream a lot lately... been fantasizing about meeting people and reading reviews in Entertainment Weekly and being able to not have to worry about checking the couch cushions for another dime for the pizza guy waiting patiently at the front door watching in horror... the same guy that will turn down my tip offer and tell me I need it more than him.  I've been fantasizing about telling creditors to shove it and car upgrades and new furniture... about college funds for the kids, about vacations long after the income tax check has been spent... about helping out family members and giving security to the insecure.  I've mostly been fantasizing about how it will all go down... will it take a week to land a book contract?  A year?  Will there be an advance?  Will it be $5k or $30k or some as-yet-unthought of amount?  Been fantasizing about selling the option for an absurd amount of money, helping on the screenplay and watching my book turn into a motion picture before my grateful and weary eyes.  Been fantasizing about having To Better Parts completed and fulfilling the second novel in my three book deal with 3 more years to spare... about starting ...Boy Who Wanted to Fly and having it come together the way I can see it in my mind... about Sedition Agenda sitting on the desk of a producer who wants it... about Root Beer Kid and Enough Shorts getting proper send offs and endorsements... mostly I've been fantasizing about it all not being a pipe dream, about it all coming to fruition for a boy in Cleveland, Ohio who's wanted for it to happen for so long that won't believe it when it does happen.  It's amazing to me how my fears materialize into dream fodder... I'm still sure that not a lot of people realize how bad I need this right now and if it doesn't happen it could be the end of... it would just be devastating to know that that was it.  To invest more time in futile endeavors is hopeless and to sit idly by doing something I hate just because the pleasure derived from it would be that maybe, just maybe my kids could take the next step and make it to the next level... to know that I sacrificed for them while knowing they'll never understand that or appreciate it.  Then again isn't that what parents have been doing for eons?  To Better Parts and Other Places, indeed!

So, as I was saying I've been feeling this need to get active on something else and along with that need comes some spring cleaning.  My writing, while all stored on a RAID-0 server, is just a complete and utter mess.  So I did a little bit Saturday and did some more last night.  Last night I actually revisited some of my origins.... my extreme origins... how green I was and I guess I sort of still am.  I unearthed all of my Writer's Digest correspondence.  I was so full of life... so excited and naive.  So not a real author in training as the shirt they sent me would have me believe... I bought into the course hook, line and sinker though (I don't think in 28 years I've ever typed those three words together)... I believed that just by taking that course I would come out the other end a provocateur of words.  And it's completely evident to me that it was merely a job for the person on the other end... and I guess that's why I ultimately was led astray.  No $150 writing correspondence course will ever get you the cred you need... and here it is 7 years later, 2 novels, many websites, and on the verge of the biggest breakthrough I'll ever make still without any creative writing training... so that in itself truly is a passion, is it not?  So after I checked all those out and converted them to a format I can read and make fun of for eternity I discovered the true origins of Blue and I think I'll be updating Divan to Couch with that information.  I also discovered my 4 articles for the Sun Post covering 3 football games and one basketball.  I had a lot to learn in the reporting field, but I think I did fine for being an extreme notice thrown the lions.  Maybe if the feedback is there I'll offer a few examples to you. 

So today, barring any announcements that need to be made, I will set out again to clean up in order to move on... again, To Better Parts and Other Places, indeed!

What a difference an hour makes... I typed everything above an hour ago.  In the time between typing that and sitting here now all I did was get my mail.  That's it... but my mind state is light years away from an hour ago and I long to be comforted.  Even though nothing at all happened, save for me pulling some envelopes out of a box, a whole lifetime has traversed me.  Gone are those dreams dancing in my head... gone are the fantasies and the ways I want to effect the world.  All replaced by real life... all because of a single envelope.  And if I'm feeling this way now because of a single envelope I can only fathom how I'll feel if ST Literary takes the pass.  Christ... what a difference an hour makes.  I eluded to this in an earlier post, but now it has come true... I received my last unemployment check today.  That means I have two weeks to find a real job so the family I was just an hour ago fantasizing about having it made wont have to beg, borrow and steal to survive.  Just an hour ago all I could think about was how to best organize my files to wrap my head around them so I can write another outstanding piece of literature.  Just an hour ago anything was possible... if I were directing a movie right now the scene would look something like this: an hour ago there'd be a vast hallway with ajar doors as far as the eye can see... right now, the hallway would shrink to reveal one single door ahead of us, all the others slamming shut - WHAM!  BAM!  SLAM! - and all that's left is one black hole in front of us.  All because of the almighty dollar.  I feel like for every three steps forward I take four steps back.  I'm just not going anywhere all the sudden and it's painful.  I keep checking my Inbox thinking that this is just one last cosmic joke, one last taste of what it's like to know you'll soon be very much broke... I waiting for the nightmare to end... I'm waiting for the dream to begin again.  Mostly I'm just waiting for an email from an agency to tell me my ship has come in so I breathe one last sigh of relief.  The waiting is driving me mad... how can one envelope control me like that... the waiting...

04/10/04 -

I find myself wanting to move on today... but always when progress is to be made something needs to be exhausted, exhumed or exonerated.  Today I'm faced with bunching all the little tidbits of my writing that dangle around on my hard drive like participles in most of my writing.  So, by wanting to do this I'm essentially wiping out what had once stood on it's own, waiting to become a finished a polished piece of emotional dribble into a larger, greater and hopefully more entertaining piece of emotional dribble, and I do so with a dripping nose, sneezes and a brain compacted with mucus.  But I feel the need to do it until it's done... I'm cleaning up my writing folder.  And when that's complete I'd venture to say the In Development page here should grow exponentially. 

My problem with doing this has nothing to do with the greater good... has nothing to do with actually wiping out data, but has a lot to do with merging my past with my present... I've always lived separatist.  There was an episode of Seinfeld where George has problem with mingling worlds and this is what it's like for me.  He doesn't want Jerry and the gang meeting Susan's family because he'll have to keep better track of his lies.  I sorts, kinda feel that way... what I had written with one intent and never really finished; does that make it any less useful?  I can see now that while all of comes from me that some of it can stand alone while others were just snippets anyway.  I have whole files for one single word, but when I read that single word buried within that file titled as it is brings back everything I wanted to say within.  But what a waste of space and certainly one title and one word can't bring about a whole story can it?  So, here I am taking to snipping and changing, cutting and pasting my past into my future and feel very nostalgic about it.  If I was without illness I might just compile a list and leave everything as it is... use the pieces and parts as they fit someday instead of doing it now, but I'd be doing nothing more than cataloging when in fact I AM trying to create and move forward past When the Wall and it's waiting game, and To Better Parts where bits of the story still need to unfold in my life before I can report on them in fiction.  I need a new project... the time is now... I need to keep my mind active, focused and dedicated to my renewed fervor in my latest career choice before it goes stale again and before the actual birth of When of the Wall monopolizes my time. 

And off we go... cutting, pasting, snipping, changing and adding it all together in an attempt to pull the parts of my past into one larger than life story.  I'll keep you posted.

04/07/04 -

It's been over a week and the tension and anxiety continues to mount.  I still have that good, calm, stress free feeling... I'm the type of person that always has a contingency plan brewing, but for this I finally feel like I've already taken that next step even though I haven't heard officially yet.  And for those of you wondering what the hell I'm talking about - look here.  I always knew this would be the novel to put on the springboard to making a career out of my writing and it's finally going to happen... there's that bit of doubt in my mind, but I have to be optimistic... I want it bad enough I just need to get it. 

For the types that like to follow supernatural signs and signals, there are two things that happened, maybe three actually, that make me believe this is it.  1) Some of you may know I was recently laid off, and by recently I mean back in September of last year.  I've been on unemployment and trying to start my own business since then and it hasn't been an easy road.  As of this week my unemployment compensation ends, so we are basically screwed as screwed gets when it comes to income and surviving.  So like I said earlier, I love a good contingency plan... so I got myself a Resume Writing piece of software and I tried to install it four times and each time it wouldn't let me.  Is this a sign from the paperback God's that I'd be wasting my time when I should really be focusing on my next novel and this website?  You tell me... ;)  2) I spent some time in Boca Raton, Florida two years ago this month... this was when I was contemplating putting my whole "writing career" on hold and really focusing on the "real career" because we had my son on the way.  It was on the airplane ride home that I realized how much I was into the family thing and how much they needed me to provide for them so I put all these "childish" thoughts of being an author and making a living on royalties and delivering a painstaking piece of myself to an agent or publisher every two years.  It pains me to admit, but I became a full time computer guy.  Sure I visited every so often and put a little update up, but I was dedicated and focused to that life because it was doing what I needed for my family.  Flash forward to September and my getting laid off... it was a time of great confusion for me... I'd say it took a good four months for me to get out of the depression I found myself in.  And it was then that I decided to get back to my roots and work out some thoughts and feelings onto paper... and the passion was rekindled.  Now, at the other end of this spectrum my free ride has run out and it's time for me to provide for my family again and I can't think of a better way to do that than through my writing which has always been here for me.  So there is a renewed vigor and wouldn't you know it - the literary agency I chose to send my latest novel to in located in Boca Raton, Florida, not more than a few miles away from the very place I was when I decided to throw in the towel and submit to a normal life as a computer guy.  If only I would've been open to the signs when we were down there maybe I could be telling you about the impending publication of To Better Parts right now, two years later, because I'm sure we drove past their offices in our time there. 

I've been speaking with an acting, writing, fellow McFarlane Sportspicks enthusiast, Mark Fauser recently and he's been able to help me keep on course with very few words.  One of the things he revealed to me recently was that I need a champion of my work and everything else will fall into place... ordinarily when I think champion I'm immediately thinking to someone who can take what I have, someone who believes in me, someone who enjoys what I write and make turn that into a payday... but I think in talking with Mark and really giving thought to what he's saying is that as long as there is one person out in that role it will give me all the energy I need to make it to that next level because by them believing I'll start to believe in myself and I have to say Christopher, my little brother, has been my champion and then some to me throughout this process.  I think I can truly say it was him alone that brought me out of my funk with his quick IM's that he gave my book to his friend, then another classmate, then a teacher and I was getting this feedback I craved for years... this feedback that could've prevented me from giving up on the dream... and there it was... I'm back editing Wall and I'm thinking about and updating the website, I'm putting time back into thinking about future projects and digging into ones that I never finished.  I'm so ready to take the next step and get paid for this... I just hope I'm not looking beyond any signs anymore.

03/25/04 -

A quickie... got an envelope in the mail today.  As I flipped it over to reveal the return address I was floored - iUniverse!  I ripped it open and out poured a royalty check.  A whopping $1.91 royalty check!  ;)  This is what I was talking about the other day!  So, in comes a new goal: the next royalty check I get from them will be for twice this one!  (Which by diminutive deduction would suggest I sold twice as many books, and again by deducing, $1.91 can't be more than one book - so I'll have sold two books in a quarter!)

In the status update department... When the Wall Came Tumbling Down is half way edited for the 6th and final time.  (Although, I have to imagine if the agent likes it and an editor likes it I'm sure they'll have notes for improving it... but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.)  Speaking of agents... my newest goal is to have it to them on Monday the 29th.  It's too easy to dismiss something on a Friday and that'll give me more time to fine tune.  So far I've added a page to it through changes and corrections and clarifications.  Such a great book!  Still with the goals... guess it's all I have right now.

03/23/04 -

Let's talk about goals... there's immediate goals.  Quick ones, the ones you can taste.  Like watching The Shield tonight.  Then there's the ones you know are going to happen that aren't really goals, but you can call them goals anyway so you feel a overwhelming sense of accomplishment.  Like making a five-star lunch and eating it.  Then there's those ones that are fleeting... the ones you set because you know it'll take a life time to reach them, and chances are you'll really never get there, but it makes it that much more fun in trying to get there.  Like marrying Pamela Anderson.  Then there's the ones you really, really truly want, need even... and you have to bust your ass to get there.  Those are the true meaning of goals... and I'm here to tell you what I have in mind.

First and foremost I need to land an agent.  I'm happy to report that through the due diligence of my brother, turned editor, I have a good lead on an agent and we're working hard to make certain every i is dotted and every t is crossed in the Wall manuscript before submitting it.  I also have a contingency plan in place just in case... now is the time for me to get this career cooking and I'm slowly putting everything I have into making it a reality.  Slowly is the operative word.

Next, once that contract is signed and my manuscript is out in the world hoping to find someone to press and bind it into a blockbuster, the goal is to have the super agent of mine sell off everything else, which would mean a real reprinting of Root Beer and Enough Shorts... and as long as we're talking goals, I'd love to be able to contact my old buddy John Irwin while handing him a check for his half of Sedition Agenda as it goes on the fast track to being a hit movie. 

Now comes the book deal... a nice advance and the promise of three more novels in six years.

My ultimate goal would be to have enough product in the marketplace that the family and I can upgrade the house, pay off the cars, take a few vacations and not have to worry about working again because royalty checks for the many entities continue to roll in. 

As for that fleeting goal... being able to turn all of my books into spec scripts would be a nice one.  :) 

And that immediate goal... updating this website.  I truly and honestly started it last week, but through no fault of my own everything I was working on was lost as I switched between Photoshop and Image Ready... little did I know that once you import it into one program it gets dumped from the memory of the other.  :(  So I will get back to work on that and since it's been permeating in my mind for a week now I've already thought of ways to make it better than I had it.

So, that's it for goals... as for news, as I mentioned above the manuscript will be going out to an agent by Friday.  I should hear something from them no longer than three weeks after that according to what I've been told.  If, for whatever reason, it doesn't work out, I have made contact with another agent kinda local... and then would come publishing houses which Chris thinks would be a good idea.

Speaking of Chris... he's become something of an editor as late.  He really did a kick butt job on finding all the nuisances of my rushed mind when I type and at the very least deserves a public shout out.  Perhaps this could be the start of a wonderful thing... and I'm sure mom is happy she's been demoted.  :)  As always as the news unfolds I'll keep you posted... and I still can't say it enough.  When the Wall Came Tumbling Down is just such a fun story.  I'm loving it all over again... it seems it takes about 13 pages before it starts to cook, I just hope everyone will stick with it until then. 

03/02/04 -

It's been awhile... a long while.  Too long... not long enough?  Who knows.  A lot has happened in the past year, then again maybe it hasn't been that much. 

Let's skip ahead though... I'm hoping you will notice a newfound enthusiasm from me for the site now because in the past year I lost my job.  I did go on to start my own company www.cbjit.com but business is beginning to slow and I've really been trying to rededicate myself to my passions in all of the down time.  Been watching a lot of movies and have the bug to film one again.  Been reading some too - I'm on a nonfiction kick and I read this and am reading this.  My hope is to really land an agent this time around so I registered this.  And while I haven't done anything with that yet I do hope to have a forum there and appeal to others like myself looking for representation in this big bad world of ours.  And because I'm gearing up and getting back into this game I have almost finished editing this.  iUniverse, while it was fun isn't even on my radar anymore... in addition to raising their prices, becoming corporate and trying to milk more pennies out of fledgling authors they haven't really done anything for me other than provide me with finely bound copies of my imperfect manuscripts.  Then again, that's all I expected out of them and all they promised and I refuse to use them again... it's all or nothing from here on out.  And in keeping with the new attitude, the all-or-nothing as it were, I still hope to attack this website more and more and maybe, just maybe that redesign I promised last year will come to fruition.  So, with all things coming back into alignment in the solar system I can declare that I'm back with all the authority I'm allowed here... and in conclusion I'd like to give a big shout out to Class of 2008 at Keystone High School!

Site Redesign

As if you couldn't tell... the site has been redesigned

Still some bugs to work out, obviously, but I realized my biggest problem (other than technological limitations) was letting go of the past.  I had an entire history built on the other site and was afraid of giving it up or trying to incorporate it.  So, I've done both: eventually there'll be a link at the bottom that will access all of the old site.

Major links will be at the top... other stuff at the bottom.  You'll get the hang of it eventually.

This page will be used for information and / or news and will eventually morph into a true portal to the site.  For now, it's just here looking much like here. 

Click here for previous musings and news

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